Birthday Pics

Nathan chose a co-ed sleepover birthday party. At 7 you can pull that off, but I don't think we'll ever be able to do it again. The kids were great and we didn't have a single problem.

This was the first year we didn't do a combo birthday for them. We've always given them the choice (their birthday's are just 5 days apart), but this year they wanted to do their own thing. Now that they have their own set of friends I'm guessing combo parties are a thing of the past.

Happy 7th and 4th little men!

A Post...can you believe it?

Ahhhhh, feeling much better. The "make ya feel better" meds have kicked in and I'm wearing a pain patch to help with the post surgery/detox headaches. And lastly, I have a wonderful RX that makes me sleep like a baby. It doesn't sound like it, but yes, I'm still doing my detox and taking some holistic supplements. Eventually, I will be off the "hard" stuff, but I had to pick my battles and not try to concur them all at once, because it was driving me and everyone around me crazy.

I know I'm feeling better when the retail therapy bug hits me. I've been shopping on-line for two days.......Halloween costumes, kids fall clothes, bedding etc.

I have a lot of hard speech therapy ahead of me, but my spirits are up and I'm functioning again....hallelujah!

Here are some Tropical Storm Fay pictures and a little visitor we had at the back steps for a few days.

First Day of School

Wednesday Catch Up

The recovery is coming along, a bit slower than I'd like. Unfortunately, since I had radiation 3 years ago the healing is slower than if I hadn't had radiation. I still have quite a bit of swelling that is bothering me. I'll be glad when I can see my jaw line again! I've been taking care of the house and kids without extra help this week and that feels good. I usually crash right after dinner and let Jake man the fort from there. Chewing is still a challenge and the blender has become my good friend. I look forward to biting into a nice hamburger soon!

Nathan update: Nathan lost tooth #3 while I was in the hospital. When Jake told me, I cried. I hated that I was missing it and the visit from the tooth fairy. He lost tooth #4 soon after I got home and it was nice to celebrate with him. The tooth fell out as he jump into the pool and Jake had to dive for it. Thank goodness we have a black bottom pool so it was easy to find.

He had his first ever sleepover last Friday night for a birthday party. We were shocked when we woke up Saturday morning and hadn't gotten a call in the night to pick him up. When we did go get him he didn't want to leave. Now he tells us he wants to have a sleepover birthday party too.

Reese update: Reese is off to summer camp each morning this week. He is having a blast and looks forward to it each day. I think he was having some cabin fever because he's been so much more pleasant since starting camp. We are still struggling a bit with getting him to wear a shirt at home and when he does he insists it be tucked in. I'm picking my battles and have let him tuck it in although I really don't like the way it looks....he even has to tuck in his pajama top! I look forward to when this picky wardrobe phase ends.

Both boys are suddenly into Star Wars. Jake rented 1 and 2 and they watched them both over our rainy weekend. We pulled out some of Jake's old toys and there were quite a few Star Wars toys that they have been enjoying. The great thing is that they have spent hour upon hour playing "Star Wars" together. It is so cute to watch them.

Reese...all grown up

I've been watching A LOT of Clean House during my recovery and cant' help but think Reese will look like Matt Iseman when he's all grown up.

I'm saying goodbye to the weight loss ticker. Yes, I reached my weight loss goal, but not exactly the way I wanted to. Now that I can eat, I look forward to gaining the last 10 pounds back! I vow to not worry about my weight so much in the future. This last month sure put things in perspective.

Hi YA'LL

It's me, the real Hope back at blogging and connected to the world. Jake just sat down and read me all his post and comments. From what I can remember he was right. I'm in dire need of a shower, hopefully that will come in a day or so, better head movement, some teeth brushing and some food! I did sneak off and shave my legs this morning. It wasn't really the potty break I needed. I need a major hair removal job and I was determined to get it done! A moment of vanity.

The doctor just came in and I'm talking! He asked me to cover my trachea and it worked! He switched it out again and now it's just cap and that will likely come out before I leave. I can manage a feeding tube in my nose, but the trachea thing is freaky!

I have some weird dreams I'll have to share, but have to save up some energy! Kisses and love to everyone including my two sweet boys.

Trip to NYC

We are back from an amazing vacation in NYC. I'd love to give you a nice long blog with details about what we did, but I'll have to reduce it to some photo's.......I have to unpack, do laundry, repack and get ready to leave again tomorrow for my surgery...Argh.

We made it!

A few hours after we arrived we were walking to Madison Square Garden's when we saw some commotion at the New York Time's Building. Turns out some crazy guy was climbing the building! We watched the entire thing...he finally reached the top and was arrested.

Having some fun in Central Park.

FAO Schwartz

Statue of Liberty

Subway ride and Yankee's Game

Caricature in Rockefeller Center

Cab ride

Horse ride around Central Park. No, we aren't getting a ticket..just SPCA checking to make sure the horses are healthy.

Outside our hotel in Time's Square

And finally, a big breakfast before heading home

It's Clean Up Time

We celebrated our Memorial Day over the weekend, so while Jake headed into the office on Monday the kids and I tackled cleaning the playroom. My plan: good old fashion bribery. I had the kids take all the toys off the shelves and out of the toy box and put them all in the middle of the room. Then I told them we were going to go through every last toy, toss the broken ones, make a donation pile and put the ones to keep back on the shelves. The bribe....all the toys set aside for donation I would buy from them. Two hours later the playroom was spotless and they had a good chunk of change in their pockets for a trip to the toy store...which they insisted we go right away....so we did. Who knew getting kids to part with toys and clean up was so easy!

Reese is done with school so we celebrated with a breakfast date while Daddy went to work and Nate went to school. Yum!

Weekend Pics

Yesterday Nathan was trying to get Reese to swim with him, Reese said no. Nathan turns to me and says, " I wish Reese would swim with me, it's one of the only times I like him." Ha Ha.....brotherly love.

We have such great wild life in our neighborhood. Just this weekend we had two snakes, bunnies and a turtle in our yard. The shot of the deer is from our backyard looking into our next door neighbors backyard. So cool!

Update and on to other things

Preliminary results of the PET and CT scans look clear! Now I wait until Wednesday to find out what the plan of action is. Nervous, but enjoying the glimmer of hope Friday brought. Thank you Dr. C for giving me my results right away! Waiting is agony. Keep thinking good thoughts for me!



Good things happening that are keeping me UP.....

1. Reese didn't pick his nose at school Friday.
2. We had the house pressure cleaned and it looks so sparkly white and clean!
3. Nathan finished up soccer and t-ball this weekend. He's awesome at both and it was such a joy to watch him play. He is very proud of his cool trophies.
4. We spent the better part of the day Saturday in the pool, doing yard work and an impromptu splash in our neighbors pool. It felt soooooooo good to hang out without anxiety tugging at me.
5. There has been a baby deer sighting in the neighborhood (we have lots of wooded areas). We went looking for it last night....we just saw 4 adults, but can't wait to see it.
6. Yesterday when we were getting our suits on to swim, Reese was holding my bathing suit top and when I told him I needed it, he looked at me, pointed to my (rock star, $42,000, reconstructed...there are some perks to illness) breasts and said, "To cover those up?"

Ignore it and maybe it will go away

I haven't blogged about my cancer recurrence since my initial post. My hope was that if I didn't make a big deal out of it, it wouldn't BE a big deal. Plus, I feel cancer has taken up too much of my time already, why would I give it a platform once again?

The truth, I'm consumed in this nightmare of a moment and just want to find my way out. I feel like I'm being stalked. How can it be that for the last three years I thought I was cancer free, but I wasn't? How can it be that a little known cancer of the tongue could find it's way to my non-smoking, non drinking, non tobacco chewing tongue? How is it that I could live 29 healthy, uneventful years only to be plague by cells that kill people for the last 6 years? I know it doesn't make any sense to ask these questions because frankly it's likely I'll never get the answers, but I'm consumed in them.

I want to be boring again, blog about the fact that my three year old got in trouble for picking his nose in school after being asked to stop, or the fact that Obama is coming to FL in one week and I want to be there. Instead, I'm wondering through the day chasing the depression, fear and grief away with drugs and yet they still stalk me.

I had an appointment with a head and neck cancer specialist yesterday in Tampa. I hoped for the best, feared the worse and walked away with the unknown still lingering. The plan, I have a PET (whole body) scan and CT of the head and neck scheduled for tomorrow. They will review the pathology of my recent surgery to see if the margins were VERY clear. Apparently with tongue tumors clear margins have to be larger than most other tumors. The likelihood is that I'll need more surgery to remove more tongue and replace what is removed with skin from my arm to restore function. Then I guess based on how that goes I may have to have more radiation and more chemo. I think I can handle more surgery it's the radiation and chemo that scare the shit out of me. Please God, let surgery make me better so I don't have to endure more life saving poison.

I'm scared and sad. I know I'll find the funny and positive somewhere in all of this eventually, but I'm just not there yet. I just want to shake the "cancer girl" reputation I feel I have and be well so I can take care of Nathan and Reese and watch them grow into handsome, loving men. Is that to much to ask? Don't I deserve that?

Fuck you cancer!

Another Reeseism

First you have to understand that since Reese was potty trained over a year ago we haven't been able to get him to hold his penis up so he doesn't pee on the toilet, he refuses to touch himself...........

Reese running up to me completely naked today: "Mommy, Mommy! I started to pee on the seat and I picked my penis up like this (as she showed me what he did)! And I didn't pee on the seat!

We all cheered and passed around HI-5's.

I want a weapon.........?

Yesterday while at the book store Reese says to me, "Mommy, I want a weapon. Nicholas at school has a weapon." I soon realize it's not a weapon he wants, but a WEBKIN! Cracked me up!

And he woke up this morning, noticed Nathan's dirty t-ball uniform on the floor and told Nathan he needed to pick up his litter! Looks like I have another earth friendly child!

Ahhhh......I found a little bit of normal

Dirty Little Boys

BOYS + MUD =

Spring Break Wrap Up

Spring Break comes to a close today. We've had such a great week. The kids picked out new fish for the fish tank (I killed the others when I cleaned the tank last) and the store gave us 7 baby Molly's since Reese had picked out the mommy. As expected 6 of them died, but "Elf" the little runt is still with us.

We met up with Cheryl and Olivia for some fun at the fountain. Cheryl and I sat under a beach umbrella for some R & R and watched the kids play.

Both Gran and Nana scooped up the boys one at a time for some Grandma spoiling. I told the boys who ever was at home with us could plan dinner. No rules. Reese chose Honeynut Cheerios and chocolate chip cookies. Nathan's dinner was Tortellini and ice cream sandwiches.

We planted a vegetable garden. Cucumbers, watermelon, cantaloupe, tomatoes and squash.

Jake played hooky from work and we spent the day at Animal Kingdom, a first for us. The kids were angels. Reese walked for miles, never asking to be held because he was tired. We passed gift shop after gift shop and neither of them asked us to buy anything. There wasn't one fight between them, complaint about the heat or end of the day grumpies. It was a day to remember.

Jake's cousin Jessica and her hubby Joe from Maine were here for the weekend and we had a great visit. Reese begged them to stay...precious.

Naked Idiot

As I'm driving down the road yesterday afternoon to pick up the kids from school I see two guys walking along the sidewalk towards me, one waving a shirt over his head. As I get closer I notice it's his shirt waving in the air and that he's holding up his pants in the front just enough to cover his goods, but low enough to share a view of his pubic hair. As I pass I glance in the rear view mirror only to see that in the back his pants are way down below his butt. I think, "What an idiot". Then, I realize I'm about two pick up two 6 year old's and a 3 year old and drive right past him again. I get mad. I remember I have the police department's phone number in my cell and call and report the naked idiot. Not sure what if anything happened with it, but he was gone when I drove back through.

Reese scraped his leg the other day and says, "Mom, did part of me fall off?"

We just got a screen door added to our back porch so the kids can get to the back yard without having to walk past the pool. What a relief! Now, the can go in and out all summer long. It is so cool they are old enough to go play in the backyard without having to wait on me to go with them.

Night Travel

We'll be on our way home in about an hour. Just before leaving Kurt's we checked to see if our flight was on time and no such luck, an hour and a half delay. The good news is we have some extra time to hang out with the TN Clan and I'm fitting a little blogging in too. We have had a great time and while this was a way over due visit it was perfect timing all the way around. We won't be getting home until around 1:30 in the morning, which could be interesting with the kids. Jake has work tomorrow and Nate has school....it will be a rough morning.

I will post pictures tomorrow.

UPDATE:

We arrived home shortly after 2am. The kids were great though. Here are some pictures.