Walking, Listening and Taking a Break

I've been downloading the A New Earth on-line class to my iPod and have been walking my buns off while I listen to it. The weather has been so beautiful I want to soak it up before the heat sets in and I retreat to the air conditioning.

Today, I made the very hard decision to take a break from my volunteer work for the ACS. It's just something I need to do right now and I think this letter pretty much sums up why...

Dear ****,
It has been a great privilege to be a part of the Reach to Recovery program. I feel by sharing my story I give other young woman hope to push through treatment so they can begin to put their cancer experience behind them. It’s been 5 years since I battled breast cancer and 3 since tongue cancer. I always thought once you finished treatment cancer left you alone, but it doesn’t. With each check-up or ache and pain thoughts of cancer flood my mind.

As I try to heal my mind and spirit I decided to stop talking about “my story” except in my Reach to Recovery work. Cancer has taken so much of my time and energy already I just can not give it any more. It is for this reason, I have decided to take a pause from my Reach work for the next year. I don’t take this decision lightly as I know the ***** Reach Program needs young volunteers. I have always felt so appreciated by the ACS. I know ***** is now involved and I’m hoping she can provide the support while I take this break. I’m taking the next step in my recovery. I’ll be sure to check back with you next spring and if time gets the best of me and I forget please don’t hesitate to call.

I spoke to (anonymous patient) last night. From our conversation I gather she’ll need additional support. She’s having a rough time of it. I did not mention my break in volunteer work. I’d like to request that at some point another Reach volunteer contact her as I think she would benefit from follow-up.

Thank you and the ACS for all you do and for letting me be a part of it.

Sincerely,

I figured out the only reason I had continued my Reach work well after realizing it was time to take a break was my ego. If you are reading/studying A New Earth you will understand what I mean by that.

On an up note, WE BOOKED OUR SUMMER VACATION TO NEW YORK CITY TODAY! I'm so excited. We've been holding out on the Big Apple until we felt like the kids were old enough to manage it. The kids have talked about going to NYC since they saw a Little Einstein episode about it. Every time we drive through Jacksonville Nathan asks if we are in NYC! Will he be surprised to see the real thing!

A shout out goes to my mom today. She's been helping with the kids a lot this week and even came to the rescue this morning when I had car trouble. Shortly after picking up our car pool buddy, Samantha, I noticed my check engine light was on. I didn't think too much of it since I knew I was overdue for an oil change. A few minutes later I noticed a rubbery smell and hear Nathan say, "It smells like a bouncy ball in here". By the time I get in the car loop at Nathan's school I see some smoke coming from under the hood, but the temperature gage is fine. Could it be a fire? I'm sandwiched in between cars and figure if I can keep the car moving hopefully I can get to the auto shop down the road. Nathan and Samantha are being silly and not paying attention to the fact that we are now at the front of the school and I'm starting to panic a little about the smoke. I yell at them to "GET OUT OF THE CAR!" Oh, and my windows are down so we don't have to suck in the melting rubber ball smell so no doubt the teacher out front must have thought I was one bitchy mom! No, "Have a great day, I love you" from this mom! Thankfully my mom met Reese and I at the auto shop and after leaving the car for repair took Reese to school and me home. A half a million dollars later the car is fixed.

Thanks Mom!

Before I Go

I'm headed out tonight for an American Cancer Society Volunteer Conference. Initially, I was excited about going, then not so excited about missing a few days with "my boys". Saturdays are such great fun around here....soccer, swimming and hanging out at home with my men...and I won't be here. However, I'm starting to get excited about the conference again. Last week I was asked to speak at a Making Strides meeting and after my little talk (it really wasn't a speech) I received so many thank yous and comments about how I was inspiring. I some how have to make sense out of all that has happened to me and having little moments like that make it all feel okay. I even had the executive director of the local YMCA offer me three sessions with a personal trainer to help me get ready for the half-marathon....just from a 10 minute ad lib that night. Very cool.

At the conference I'll be part of a session regarding my volunteer work for Reach to Recovery. Reach to Recovery is a program through the ACS that provides support for newly diagnosed breast cancer patients. Most of the volunteers are older, since let's face it...most people diagnosed are "older". I'm obviously the youngest volunteer in our county so I provide support to women under the age of 45 who need someone to talk to...someone who knows what they are going through. They also wanted me to invite a "patient" I had spoken to that would be able to discuss the receiving end of Reach to Recovery. I instantly thought of Tatiana. Several years ago when I got the call for the ACS to call her I thought her name sounded familar. Turned out we briefly worked together about 12 years go. She's young with kids and had a similar breast reconstruction so we've stayed in touch. We're driving over together and I think it will be fun to have someone I know to hang out with.

An update of the kids:
Nathan is adjusting to Kindergarten well. He LOVES his teacher and has made a few new friends. When I pick him up I'm itching to hear all about his day...in detail...and he replies, "I don't want to talk about it." Like he's 14 instead of 5. What is up with that? I've backed off and stopped asking so many questions. Now, I play Betty Crocker and have a cool snack ready for when we get home and while we sit at the table he opens up and gives me enough information that I'm content. I still probe for more, but try not to play 20 questions....it turns my litte "teenager" off.

Reese flew by his first week of school like a champ. Friday of the first week his teacher tells me he's doing so well, is ahead of the other kids and she wants to put him in the next class up. Of course, Jake and I beamed and said, "He's so smart he's already skipping a grade." This new class does seem like a better fit for him, but he's cried (just a little) each day I've dropped him off. I watch through the window in the door and he stops right after I leave so I'm hoping he'll stop soon. He tells me about his new friend, Jessica, and how pretty she is. So sweet.