Monday, August 4, 2008

Therapy Session

A bomb was dropped on Jake and I last Friday when we went to the doctor for a simple check-up....the tissue removed when I had surgery indeed had cancer in it.......enough they are recommending I consider more chemo and radiation. They got clear margins, but just can't be sure I'm safe from it coming back. And why the hell they didn't mention this before now I have no idea.

My immediate response, "No, I won't do it". And I looked the doctor right in the eyes and said just that. The risks and side effects from radiation to the same area twice can be awful and long-term. A risk I don't think I'm willing to take. If it didn't work the first time who's to say it will work this time? Fortunately, he fully understood my point and understood if I chose not to do it.

Ironically, I had been to see a nutritionist/holistic practitioner the day before. Jake and I talked a lot about taking a "natural" approach instead of the toxic radiation and chemo. Thanks to my mom and his mom's love, knowledge and belief in the mind/body/spirit approach to healing, this was not a far fetch idea for us to consider. We talked to both of them as soon as we got home and they were very supportive.

I spoke to Jennifer P. and Stephanie yesterday, both have had radiation to the face/neck and chemo and both agreed they too would not do radiation again. It was like a breath of fresh air to talk to two people who knew exactly what I would be facing and to support my idea of a different way to health. Now, I just have to be 100% sure it's the right choice for me.

I'm tired, not just physically tired, but emotionally tired from this repeated "cancer theme" I've had in my life these last 6 years. I'm exhausted. I feel beaten and bloody yet determined to fight my way out of this.

Jake said he was going to blog about all of this and I said no. I didn't want anyone to know what was happening. I'm sick of blogging about being sick and putting all my dirty laundry out there for everyone to see. However, this morning, I decided it might be I'm here. Thanks for the therapy session.


jessica long said...

I am sorry about this news!! I love you and completely support whichever decision you make! You are on my mind and in my thoughts!! I am so looking forward to this being behind you!!!

AnnMarie said...

As always, know that we are here and that we know you are doing the best you can in this situation.

Always trust your own gut and do what YOU think is best, DRs are PRACTICING medicine...don't forget.


PS- I am taking some vacation days this week if you want to slip away for a pedi/mani, I am right there with ya!

rach said...

You are in our thoughts each and every day. We know you will beat this... no matter which path of healing you choose. We think about you and the 3 Wise men all the time and are sending positive thoughts to you!!
We love you all,
rach, brad, Liv and ethan

Myrtle's Mayhem said...

Keep your fighting spirit strong. We too are sending our positive thoughts to you and the boys (Jake's still a boy too right!).

xoxo-the Schatte clan

J said...

Well crap. I don't know what else to say, except I love you and this stuff sucks.

karen said...

Hi Hope

This is Karen (Jen's Sister)
(( Hugs )) Things will be ok and I know you will make the decision righ for you!

SarahTakesPics said...

Oh, Hope. We're so sorry you're having to face more bombs. Lots of love and prayers your way.

Anna said...

Call when you want to talk. I know Will would love to hear from you. See you in a couple of weeks!

Life is beautiful... Mostly said...

You have to make the choice that is right for you and your family. Positive thoughts and prayers to you and the boys.


Pam Anderson said...

Its okay to be sick & tired of being sick & tired. Every warrior gets weary. A new approach to the battle may renew your strength and provide the healing and recovery you need.

You have a fantastic support system in your family and friends. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.