Sunday, April 12, 2009

Two Tragedies and a Salvation

It's no 3 weddings and a funeral (which by the way is the only movie Hugh Grant was funny in --- not that Notting Hill wasn't funny but because of his roommate and not Hugh --- and is an all-time late night classic you just can't turn off) but since my last blog we have had two tragedies within 3 days of each other to our loved ones. First is an old dear friend Lane that tragically lost her brother and almost both of ther parents in the most bizzare and horrifying way possible. Her dad is still not out of the woods yet and Lane just know we love you and so do so many others. The fact that her parents are still alive is a tribute to law enforcement officers and their unbelievably quick action. Lane, we will be there Friday and I know that you know that I know that you know that if you ever need anything our entire family is here anytime. Anything! Anytime!

My favorite Lane story, she now lives like a hippie in Oregon and visited us last fall when she was in town. We were at a resort beachside because we had my brother and others in town when Lane shows up. I hadn't seen her in a while so she handed me her baby Pasquale over the fence and then walked around through the lobby. By the time she got around I had handed Pasquale off and we were catching up. She was going on about hippie life in OR and how Pasquale had never eaten anything that wasn't natural such as breast milk, home made baby foods, organic juice, etc. Just then I turn around and my step-dad is holding him while he's downing a Yoohoo. Welcome to the Wise family Lane! By the way later that night I caught him eating pizza. Just one more time the Wise family ruined someone.

One of Reese's teachers was involved in a horrifying accident that she was the driver and it killed her teenage daughter while her husband is in a coma with a tough chance for survival. She is one of the sweetest most caring people you could ever meet and her tragedy is unexplainable as bad things happening to good people go. My favorite story of her is that every year they have a trike-a-thon fundraiser and she rode around the entire school the morning of on a tiny tricycle with a jester's outfit on. That just got everyone into the spirit and if you've never seen thirty 4 and 5 year-olds riding bikes and scooters you're missing out. Our love and positive thoughts go out to both families. Both of these events make my family's situation look like a fairy tale. If these two stories and Hope's don't tell us anything, it's appreciate the moment. I feel like I'm able to do that right now with no hesitation, not planning much ahead but sucking the joy out of every moment as much as possible in the now. Seize the day, one of all the best ever movie quotes from Dead Poets Society. If you're not inspired by that movie you're dead or a robot.

Speaking of Robin Williams, who would have ever thought Mork from Ork (you had to love the cross-over episodes back in the day like when Fonzie was on Mork and Mindy or when Mork was hanging with the Cunninghams) would come up with Good Will Hunting? Of course it took place in Boston and one of the best scenes in the movie is when he's talking about missing game 6, yes THE GAME 6 when Carlton Fisk hits the most classic shot in sports history while he willed the ball into fair territory, and he didn't mind because he met his wife that night and we later learned she had passed away. He had absolutely no regrets for one second with his wife, and talks about her farting and not knowing it at night. I feel the same, minus the farts (Hope did fart for the record but it was only bad when she was pregnant). I'm as big of a Red Sox fan as they come, but I'd give up game 6 that year, 2004 or 2006 World Series game for just 5 more minutes with Hope when she was healthy.

I had a friend recently tell me they wish they could fast forward a year. Now there were many reasons behind her wish that did make sense, but I just could not let that slide. I would like it too at times to know how I'll be feeling, see if I can move on, and for so many other reasons but you just never know what the next moment could bring you. I told her not to wish for such things, enjoy the moment, and everything will fall into the right place but to most importantly enjoy the journey, don't just wait for the ending. Now I also promised a salvation in this blog.

I had my first psycho appointment about 10 days ago and I walked out of there feeling like I was cured. All my guilt and worries that had been piling up, she helped me understand and explained to me. I felt like Oprah had been lifted off my shoulders, and I'm just not a big enough guy to be carrying her around. My next appointment is in a few days, but the progress we made in one session blew me away. It also turns out we have a mutual friend that we are both close to which was really crazy, but that is a story for another time. Just in case you've never tried therapy, yes they do have a couch that was quite comfortable, plenty of tissues around, and unlike the porn movies I am used to (not animal porn Maria, no donkeys walked in) nobody was naked the entire time. Who knew?

I haven't blogged in a while because we've again just been too busy. I'm on 2 months now not watching any TV at home basically. I'm not sure why I still have Brighthouse at this point. You always get punished before and after any vacation, and our trip to NC was no different. We had a great time though, the boys were great, we loved seeing Will and Anna's house, hanging with them, and we even had enough time to get to the very cold beach to see a friend from Florida. We missed the wedding we went up for so for that I apologize to Hope's dad and family, and Amanda I will make up for it in the value of your gift that's on it's way. The whole beach trip was impromptu and could not have worked out any better. When I'm not in mixed company, ask me about the drunk bus we went out in on Friday night. I think we got home around 5:30 AM and if there any pictures Anna will pay you to burn them. Really she will.

We got home last Monday night late to begin the boy's Spring Break. Judy took the kids on Tues when I got back to work, I took off Wed for a fun spontaneous day in Orlando (we went to the Hotel Portofino at Universal to meet a friend we could never find but ended up at their pool for hours before taking a boat ride to City Walk and absolutely having a blast), next day was the beach, followed by two days at Nana and Papa's while I actually got some boy time off from boys. I was able to get some things done at the house, go out with friends, and pretended to be an adult (actually more like a college freshman but that was the fun of it). My mom just got back from 10 days in Ecuador right before we went to NC so she had barely seen the boys in 2 to 3 weeks. We had Easter at their place and now we're back home relaxing as all of us try to get ready to get back into the work and school grind (although we are about to go next door for some dessert). Speaking of my mom she is infamous for leaving the world's longest voicemails. You ever leave one of those voicemails you just wish you could suck back through the phone? I'm going to invent the voicemail and e-mail suck it back in machinerator. It will need a cooler name though like the ohshitsuckitbackerator 9000 or something like that.

Now that I am cured after one therapy session the world is my oyster again. I decided not to do the community yard sale next weekend because I just could not get myself to go through Hope's stuff yet. I am slowly making changes though like using her towel rack, calling the bedroom and our master bath my room instead of ours to the boys, not feeling as lonely at night anymore especially when the kids weren't here, and I put a stool in front of her sink along with the boys back-up toothbrushes so they can get ready with me instead of only in their bathroom. I am still wearing my wedding ring, don't know when I'll be comfortable taking it off. I still have her stuff in the shower, haven't gone through her night stand, closet or purse, and am reconsidering doing the teddy bear and blanket with her old clothes. I am not trying to make this place a Hope museum, but at the same time make sure the boys always know who there mommy was. Reese may not remember without my prompting, and they need to know they had the best mommy ever.

I was even talking to Will (Hope's brother) about the future a bit on my trip. When I do decide to start seeing women again do I want to take on a divorcee or otherwise single mom with children (that's how I grew up in FLA and to say it was a challenge is the understatement of the century), single woman with no children but might want some (I am not sure I'm ready to start up a new family again), or just hire an 18 year-old Swedish nanny and be done with it. (Yes Katarina, I'm ready for my third massage). I grew up with a remarried family and to say it was difficult would be like saying Sam Mallone on Cheers only kind of liked women. By the way, a combination of he and Norm are still my idols. Dare to dream kids out there, dare to dream. All-time two favorite Normy quotes were Woody asking what are up to Mr. Peterson and Norm responding my normal weight if I was 8'-10" tall followed by "It's a dog eat dog world out there and I'm eating Milkbone underwear." That's right, I can't remember my ago or my kids middle names without some prompting but just test me on any Normism.

Back to the grind this week, school, normal work schedule, and groveling for donations to Relay for Life. I'll be sending out a separate blog on that one. My two friends went through hell over the last week, I only understand a little bit of how they feel and would do anything to help them. I would give up almost anything for 5 more minutes with a healthy Hope, but I feel good most of the time now and have no regrets. I know I keep saying that but I think that's the only way to move on in a healthy manner. I love you like water Hope, I will always love you, your boys love you, and I think my salvation is coming full circle. Now if only the Red Sox can get some better starting pitching and Kevin Garnett will be healthy for the playoffs, that would be my next salvation.


Jennifer P said...

Jake - I'm so glad you are making progress and starting to enjoy the journey again... and please know we are on that journey with you! Love, Jennifer P

J said...

Glad to see you updated. I was thinking you had just gotten busy. Good to hear that the counseling is helping.

rach said...

Hey Jake,
Glad to read the update..sounds like you are making the most out of every moment, and that is certainly what life is about. Being thankful and trying to see the best in everything.
Keep up the positive progress and can't wait to see you and your little people this summer!

Pat Long said...

Sam: [looking at Norm] What time is it?
Norm: Cliff, how many beers have I had so far?
Cliff: Eleven...
Norm: [to Sam] 8:05.

Jake - really glad to see things are looking up. Most of the time I guess I just lurk in the background... I've been reading all along though. Really hoping you and the boys can make it up to Maine this summer (end of July for camping???). Much love.


Anonymous said...

I think you should experience all women...divorced, what happended, and can you be sure what they tell you is correct? Divorced with children, they have the built in mothering instinct already turned on. Single, a fresh slate, but inexperienced in many areas. Hmmm. You have a lot to consider. Keep your options open. There are a lot of women out there that would be interested in you if you gave them half a chance.

As a side note, remember that everyone is on their best behavior and tries to impress the other one for at least the first 6 months to a year of any relationship. This is why you shouldn't jump into anything too quickly, you may not recognize the person you end up waking up next to after the i dos.

Daddy-O said...

Jake, go with the 18 year old Nanny...


Anna said...

There's always men...Probably less complicated.