'Fun'raising for Cancer

That's my new phrase, 'fun'raising! Nathan's school renamed their Relay for Life team after Hope's team the last few years "Hope for the Ta-Tas." I was a little suprised a school would use this name, but mostly honored. The love and support from both the kids' schools has blown me away. No way we get through this as well without both of their support. I was thrilled to be asked to be part of the team and as it turns out the only male member (I am going to leave that reference alone for the respect I have for Hope's family --- but that probably won't last too long knowing me) so I get to hang out for 24 hours with a teamful of hot mom's (there it goes already). That gives a whole new meaning to the 'Fun'raising I'll be working on (no Maria there is not a petting zoo that night --- one track mind on that one). So here goes my sales pitch:

If you're reading this blog you either knew Hope, know me, or stumbled across it googling train humping, the Hoff fan club, or just a normal day seeking out Kelly Kapowski references. Sorry no pics on this blog, just literary references. Either way the reason this blog continues to exist is honoring my wife and helping me deal with her untimely passing. I would not do it if it didn't help me every time I sit down and just blurt out my feelings. Well, this cancer 'fun'raiser Relay for Life is to try and help families not go through the torture that mine did.

I use torture because that's what it was for 7 years during our battle. Every time we thought we had it beat, we thought we had the right treatment or formula for improvement, we thought we had the right attitude, we thought we had enough love and support, we thought we had enough energy, we thought we had enough strength, we thought we had enough time, we thought we had enough treatments, surgeries, the right combination of medications and rest, every time we thought we were one step ahead of cancer the fucker came back stronger! The last time was 6 hours before Hope's 36th birthday, in the ER after months of absolute suffering where she admitted many times she would have committed suicide but she did not want the kids or me to find her, two days after a Thanksgiving that was harder on her then most of her treatments, we got the news that it had taken over her tongue, her jaw, her lymph nodes, and her throat. There were no more treatments, formulas, attitudes, love, energy, strength, time, treatment, surgery, or medications that would get us through one more battle.

I haven't cried in many weeks about Hope, I have fought back the tears the few times I could feel it coming on during different conversations. I am crying now just reliving this like I did that night in the ER to make a point. I put myself out there for myself but also to help others. This disease can be beat, but it will take time and money to research and prevent it for future families. Please help me help future families from going through what we had to. Everyone has been touched by cancer, especially if you are reading this blog.

I have 2 ways you can help right away. First, please donate to my Relay for Life team where every penny goes toward fighting cancer via the following link which will take you to my home page:

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?px=1166998&fr_id=13367&pg=personal

There you can donate if you are able to. Now I know we are in the most difficult of times right now but understand every dollar helps and the more people that can donate a dollar adds up quickly. If it's easier please send me a check made payable to the American Cancer Society to my home address and if you need it e-mail me (hopewise@cfl.rr.com). Tell you what, if you read this blog please e-mail me no matter what just to say "hi." I would love to know how many people actually read this so please if you are reading these words e-mail me the simplest of notes or just tell me you think I'm a horrible writer like Anna.

No. 2 (for the locals only): River Rocks (formerly Chowders restaurant) is on US 1 in Suntree, on the river just north of Suntree Boulevard and Rotary Park, and has been completely renovated over the last 9 months so that you would not recognize it anymore. The menu is so much improved you won't believe you are eating from the same kitchen, and with reservations anyone eating from 11 AM to 10 PM (so you can do lunch and dinner there) that mentions the Relay for Life will have a portion of their bill donated toward fighting cancer. Please call 321-757-7200, extension 3, for reservations and don't forget to mention Relay. In addition to that, we are trying to fill up the private party room with all of our friends and families. We have it reserved at 6:30 PM so let them know if you want the party room versus a regular table. We can get 40 plus people in there and I've been known to buy a round or two from time to time so don't be late.

In addition to that if you have kids, Planet Kid is donating 100% of their proceeds to Relay and they are located in suite 103 at 3600 Wickham Road about halfway between Post and Parkway by the Grand Meadows Bay subdivision entrance. It's drop-in childcare for $25 per child or $35 max for multiple siblings. Space is limited so call ahead at 321-259-7529. They will have pizza, snacks, drinks, and much more.

I had my second psycho appointment today. My psycho-logist has read my blogs so she knows I'm an absolute nut job. Luckily she had not read the last one about my impression of what they do or at least she did not let on. There was this sexual tension the whole time where I could tell she wanted much more than my thoughts (okay I completely made that up but why can't I live in a fantasy porn world?) or maybe she had a donkey in the hallway (okay Maria that's all you get so you can stop reading this blog now) but either way we somehow got past all of that and I was cured again today. I felt great afterwards, once again relieving many of my concerns and just talking about different feelings. I am paying out of pocket for something completely intangible but it's so far the best money I've ever spent. Don't tell her, she may raise her rates on me.

I know this from our sessions: 1) The kids are doing great and that always comes first. 2) My feelings including the guilt on many fronts are normal and everyone deals with grief differently so I'm not ready for people to pay an extra dollar to go into the tent to see me at the county fair quite yet as the next freak show. 3) Her couch is too short for me to lay down on. 4) Pleather is suprisingly comfortable and feels like the real thing, or is it? 5) The Princess Leia chained to Jabba the Hut in Return of the Jedi fantasy is normal but it appears to be inappopriate to request acting it out at our session even though I had the Luke Skywalker black glove pretending to have a robotic hand and was ready to show off my light saber (okay Hope's family probably should have stopped reading this a couple of paragraphs ago). 6) There is no timeframe or formula for getting over losing the love of your life and mother to your children no matter how many stupid jokes you attempt but that everyone grieves differently and that I am 100%, no question about it, different. 7) The boys will always come first (see no. 1), unless of course that Swedish bikini model nanny comes through and then they're a close second.

Please help us fight cancer if you can. Please help other families avoid what we have had to endure in the future. When I think back to what we went through it amazes me our kids are doing so well, I'm even functioning at all, and with all the daily help we needed we still have any friends left or family that still talks to us. I will always be indebted to all of you as your love and support is probably the only reason we have survived as a family of three wisemen. Lane, I will see you Friday, we all love you, and we will try not to bother you too much but know that anything you need anytime we will be there. I know I speak for my family but also all of our friends from MI.