Superbowl Anniversary

Just for the record, I do have the express written consent from the NFL to use the Superbowl phrase as long as nobody actually wants to see a copy of the letter. Yes this coming Superbowl would have been my dozenth (that's not a word) anniversary with Hope. I'm almost as upset that the Pats won't be there as much as Hope won't (maybe not quite). Two FSU studs (Darnell Dockett and Anquan Boldin) are on the Cards so I'm rooting for the upset if anyone cares. My Aunt Lois and Uncle Cliff from New England will be staying here over the weekend providing an additional helpful distraction. I also thought Sunday would be a great opportunity to teach the kids about gambling on everything from the coin flip to the score after each quarter to how many times Ken Wisenhunt trips over his headphone chords, excessive drinking (nope wait, they've seen that already), excessive comfort food eating (ditto), and hilarious beer commercials hopefully they won't get. Those of you that work with me will know who I'm talking about, but one friend was so excited about the Superbowl because the first commercial for the new Transformers movie is coming out (I love that people know ridiculous things like that nowadays).

As far as the boys and I, I'm so focused on taking care of the kids and the house (Hope's two main loves in her life and keeping the house clean was a close, close second) that things like bills and work are really starting to get ignored. I got up early this morning to catch up on bills (I don't even have a driver's license right now because I haven't renewed it yet) and instead I was putting away the last of the laundry and blogging. I will not let myself to to work today until I get the bills paid. I have a stack of thank you cards I haven't even opened to send out and I don't even know where to start with those because I have so many people to thank.

I feel fine most of the time now, but except for taking care of the boys I've just lost my inner drive that always made me succeed in the past. I can't explain it, I just don't have "it" anymore and I'm not sure how to find it. I'm hoping it's just part of the natural "holy shit" I can't believe this has happened and in time "it" will come back. I'm sure I'm somewhat depressed, although I don't feel like I am. Not much makes me feel good except being with the boys and friends, yet I need time away from them to catch up on other priorities. Friends have been absolutely amazing, I know at anytime we could have a dozen volunteers here to pooperscoop if we asked. It's a great feeling to have so much love around us, I can't tell you how much I feel it every time I walk into the boy's two schools, work, a friend's house, or here with the boys.

I do have one complaint for our family and friends though. I get the feeling everyone is afraid to talk about themselves anymore, especially anything negative. Just knowing your lives are screwed up too really helps me out. Please don't be afraid to tell me your fish has cancer and the treatments are not going well, your invisible friend is considering leaving because you just don't look at him (or her --- I like my naked invisible friend) the same way you used to, or your Mom (or fruity Dad --- wait what does that say about me?) is joining the David Hasselhoff cult (Hoff cult for short if you're in the know). Your screwed up lives and problems really help me find something to do and give me one more reason to look past those past due notices.

The boys are doing great although on and off sick most days right now but whose aren't? I'm looking forward to feeling better each week as I approach my 3rd one without Hope in the flesh, and I'm looking forward the pooperscoop party at the house. Thanks to Dave Tom the keg is flowing again (yes we did kill the entire keg at Hope's celebration --- by the way some friends were counting at the service and they estimated almost 500 people were there, what an amazing testament to Hope) and thanks to the Transformer junky the Rocky doll (I mean action figure) will be fixed soon too. My boys and I love you all, know we are extremely lucky, and look forward to a Super week. Happy anniversary Hope, I know you love me like Oprah and chocolate, and I know you will be there with me.