Monday, January 26, 2009

Superbowl Anniversary

Just for the record, I do have the express written consent from the NFL to use the Superbowl phrase as long as nobody actually wants to see a copy of the letter. Yes this coming Superbowl would have been my dozenth (that's not a word) anniversary with Hope. I'm almost as upset that the Pats won't be there as much as Hope won't (maybe not quite). Two FSU studs (Darnell Dockett and Anquan Boldin) are on the Cards so I'm rooting for the upset if anyone cares. My Aunt Lois and Uncle Cliff from New England will be staying here over the weekend providing an additional helpful distraction. I also thought Sunday would be a great opportunity to teach the kids about gambling on everything from the coin flip to the score after each quarter to how many times Ken Wisenhunt trips over his headphone chords, excessive drinking (nope wait, they've seen that already), excessive comfort food eating (ditto), and hilarious beer commercials hopefully they won't get. Those of you that work with me will know who I'm talking about, but one friend was so excited about the Superbowl because the first commercial for the new Transformers movie is coming out (I love that people know ridiculous things like that nowadays).

As far as the boys and I, I'm so focused on taking care of the kids and the house (Hope's two main loves in her life and keeping the house clean was a close, close second) that things like bills and work are really starting to get ignored. I got up early this morning to catch up on bills (I don't even have a driver's license right now because I haven't renewed it yet) and instead I was putting away the last of the laundry and blogging. I will not let myself to to work today until I get the bills paid. I have a stack of thank you cards I haven't even opened to send out and I don't even know where to start with those because I have so many people to thank.

I feel fine most of the time now, but except for taking care of the boys I've just lost my inner drive that always made me succeed in the past. I can't explain it, I just don't have "it" anymore and I'm not sure how to find it. I'm hoping it's just part of the natural "holy shit" I can't believe this has happened and in time "it" will come back. I'm sure I'm somewhat depressed, although I don't feel like I am. Not much makes me feel good except being with the boys and friends, yet I need time away from them to catch up on other priorities. Friends have been absolutely amazing, I know at anytime we could have a dozen volunteers here to pooperscoop if we asked. It's a great feeling to have so much love around us, I can't tell you how much I feel it every time I walk into the boy's two schools, work, a friend's house, or here with the boys.

I do have one complaint for our family and friends though. I get the feeling everyone is afraid to talk about themselves anymore, especially anything negative. Just knowing your lives are screwed up too really helps me out. Please don't be afraid to tell me your fish has cancer and the treatments are not going well, your invisible friend is considering leaving because you just don't look at him (or her --- I like my naked invisible friend) the same way you used to, or your Mom (or fruity Dad --- wait what does that say about me?) is joining the David Hasselhoff cult (Hoff cult for short if you're in the know). Your screwed up lives and problems really help me find something to do and give me one more reason to look past those past due notices.

The boys are doing great although on and off sick most days right now but whose aren't? I'm looking forward to feeling better each week as I approach my 3rd one without Hope in the flesh, and I'm looking forward the pooperscoop party at the house. Thanks to Dave Tom the keg is flowing again (yes we did kill the entire keg at Hope's celebration --- by the way some friends were counting at the service and they estimated almost 500 people were there, what an amazing testament to Hope) and thanks to the Transformer junky the Rocky doll (I mean action figure) will be fixed soon too. My boys and I love you all, know we are extremely lucky, and look forward to a Super week. Happy anniversary Hope, I know you love me like Oprah and chocolate, and I know you will be there with me.


Daddy-O said...

Wow, paying bills or doing laundry/surfing the web. Those are some tough early morning decisions. Of course I don't blame you for picking the later and hopefully by know you've made it into work.

Just to let you know I am finding myself in much the situation with "it". There are so many times that I feel like I should be excited about things that are going on but I'm just not. I know that it will/is gradually improve as I am to the point that at times I catch myself actually not thinking "this is something I SHOULD be enjoying".

Sunday will be another surreal Super Bowl without a family member (remember my GrandDad passed the week before Super Bowl XXXVIII). I really wish we could all be together to watch it just like back then, if nothing more then to see Anna's inner geek come out when that new Transformers trailer airs. Enjoy the replenished Keg-orator, I'll be raising an ice cold pilsner (or 4-5) thinking of you and Hope on Sunday.

And if you ever want to hear about how messed up things are or how screwed up other people's lives are, you know you can always talk with Anna about someone in her side of the family!

Here's to Kurt and the Card's and their first SB win.

Esther said...

Well, I can share some negative news with you...but it has to be an e-mail because it's too embarrassing to post. And you have to promise to keep it to yourself.

You should score some tickets to the big game and treat your aunt and uncle. You know you are welcome to crash with us and we can even babysit.

rach said...

Oh Jake, we love you!
Glad to hear the keg is back working again. I have many family(not your side!) stories I can share at any time. :)
One day at a time :)

Anna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

[just for you Jake]

My son has HOURS of homework each night that I feel is terribly unfair for 3rd grade. He has a HUGE book report is due this week and the teacher did not let up on other projects to provide more time. He has BO now. What a "my kids are growing up" shocker! So now we pay more attention to showers and I bought him deodorant for the first time - GASP!

My husband and I are working on generating a year-long itemized budget for the house. And while this scares the CRAP out of me and I HATE HATE HATE money - I am somewhat excited about this challenge.

I decided today that $3.90 is FAR to much to pay for a teeney tiney Late with Splenda. Especially when I use my "allowance" to buy it!

Taxes! Need I say more. We own a home for the first time in over 10 years - so with that and children I am sure this will be more grueling than ever before! Childcare & summer camp receipts, vehicle and property taxes, investment and student loan interest ..... A-R-G-H-H-H-H!

My backyard is made up of mostly red clay and with 2 dogs and children in and out all the time. Our white socks are all "red clay red" - even with Clorox! Come on summer time - I need Bermuda!

Will be thinking of you this Superbowl Sunday.
- Walker

Myrtle's Mayhem said...

Jake, you still have "it" you just need time to realize you still have "it" and that seems perfectly normal to me.

You asked for problems and here's mine: My cats poop outside of the liter box EVERY DAY so EVERY morning I have to pick up sh*&t before I leave for work. What a way to start the day!

I hope that makes you laugh as much as the time I flipped off the side of the bed at Carlton Arms! :)

You and the boys continue to be, and always will be, in our thoughts.


Anonymous said...


i'm having an affair with your imaginary friend. just figured it was time to man up and let you know.

if you wanna slug me, i might be in the area in a couple months. just make sure the keg isn't floating.

thanks man. -abe

Alison said...

Ah, Jake. Will definitely send you a message on facebook about how messed up things have been here in the NYC suburbs for the past 4 months or so. Make sure to kick the keg this Sunday!


AnnMarie said...

my biggest prob now is that Hope told me I could wear that purple bridemaid's dress again from your wedding and after 12 years I still don't have an occasion for it!

i can show up to help drink out of the keg in the to only find it and have it altered to fit my post baby body :)