I miss Hope

I got home tonight from a city council meeting with my neighbors being sweet enough to watch the kids and put them to bed. After walking my neighbor half-way home I immediately came back into the house and started to walk into the bedroom. I started to think about if Hope would be asleep with the TV on, asleep with the light on and a book in her lap as she tried to stay awake until I got home, if I would wake her up and tell her about my day or not (sometimes she loved when I did that and other times she would get mad), and then I turned the corner and the room was empty. It was not until then I realized she was not here. I haven't worked much in the last 2 plus months so I was totally out of my city council late night routine.

I love you so much and miss you Hope. I haven't sobbed in days so I think this was just what I needed. Every time I start thinking I've got it all under control something like this pops up. Like I said in the Hope celebration, it's the little things you miss the most. It's amazing you work your whole life to achieve certain goals and Hope and I exceeded all of ours, but now this house that seemed so perfect for the four of us seems so ridiculously big and empty now minus only one person. Rochelle, Ann-Marie and I are meeting for dinner and many, many, many drinks tomorrow night so we can hopefully help each other without distractions. We talk multiple times every day and it seems to help each of us at times, but I think for the first time since Hope's ultimate day of comfort that she so badly deserved it will be the first time the three of us have got together.

My project received unanimous approval tonight after a tumultuous Planning and Zoning board meeting (I know to most this is the engineering nerd inside of me screaming for attention when you'd rather go to an insurance seminar) and it did not even give me the first bit of joy. I even had the council laughing with one of my corny jokes which is not always easy to do in the serious world of local politics nowadays. I think once again my only point is that I miss Hope, and I know I'm not even close to alone in the feeling.

P. S. My quest for hearing personal problems from family/friends has overwhelmed me a bit in my last blog, I'm sorry to hear that we're all screwed up in so many ways that we have to search out the things that give us joy. Just make sure when you find them, you suck the marrow out of every moment because you just never know when it might all go away inexplicably.