Heaven's Gift

Heavan received the greatest late New Year's gift this morning. Hope passed away peacefully with myself and Sister Joan, a nun that has been visiting us over the last few weeks. I wasn't planning on even going by this morning but for some reason I felt compelled after dropping Reese off at school. Hope's mom was already there having spent the night and Rochelle just happened to stop by, our long time friend and midnight nurse advocate I've mentioned previously. They were in the hallway when Sister Joan was telling Hope to go to God and a bunch of scripture stuff that I was only half paying attention to (come on now and admit all you dutiful church goers you do the same thing sometimes).

Hope had not opened up her eyes in days (basically she had not moved in days at all), but then suddenly opened them like she had just discovered my third nipple (a weak Friends reference) and stared into my eyes. She knew I was there by my voice and holding her hand for a long while. In the briefest of moments, she let me know she was at peace, happy to be moving on, that she loved me, and that we would always be connected. Her eyes were as beautiful as the first time I met her in 9th grade in the Jefferson Junior High cafeteria (of course on that day I was holding Heather May Combs hand --- anyone have her number?), and then she closed them and stopped breathing.

With her apnea I wasn't sure if she really stopped because it takes her a long time to get going again, but she didn't start back up this time. I called out to her mom and Rochelle, and then one of the nurses came in and confirmed she had begun her journey to heaven to become an angel. I was never sure if I definitely wanted to be there at the end, but now I am grateful to Hope that she waited and I have renewed faith in God, more than ever in Hope, and even the nun that just happened (or was it fate Ann-Marie?) to come by while I was there and talked her through going to God. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a bit pissed at the big guy but the 3 Wisemen in Florida (there are 3 more in Knoxville, TN) will be just fine.

As I've said so many times, we are still some of the luckiest people in the world with all the love and support we've had from friends and family. I have already picked up both kids from school and told them individually about Mommy's new job, angel and protector for the 3 Wise boys. Their extremely different reactions were absolutely fascinating to me as each knew this was coming through our many conversations and crying sessions in the past. Last Friday I told them they would not see Mommy again after our last hospital visit.

So now what??? I know the next week will be overwhelming like the holidays were with loved ones all around. We will plant a tree in the backyard with a bench and a butterfly garden I think, and spread some of her ashes. She and I always felt like our house was a dream come true, we were thankful for everyday we spent here together in her best and worst days, and for her to be here "in the flesh" was something she and I always wanted. I'll keep the rest of her ashes in the house so that when the boys don't need their old man anymore (and I Hope to be an old man) we can spread our ashes together.

I found a couple of days ago my Father's Day gift hidden in one of the drawers of our desk (I was looking for tape). Her surgery to remove half of her tongue was 2 days before Father's Day so we spent it in ICU (by the way I'll always remember and thank Uncle Bruce for calling me Father's Day morning as I didn't even realize it was to wish me a happy one) and Hope always said we would celebrate when she was feeling up to it. Unfortunately she never felt good enough again, but that wasn't because of lack of effort on her part. The necklace is two intersecting infinity symbols like you see in celtic jewelry that I think she meant to symbolize endless love. No matter what happens in the future we will always be together and a family.

She did promise to haunt me and in fact our sink, toilet, and bath pipes are gurgling unexplicably right now. I just Drano'd them but will probably have to call a plumber friend (Erin if you're reading this please let Mark know I'll be calling). Maybe Hope will stop messing with me and I won't have to call. Maybe it's just her way to tell me I'm full of sh*t with these blogs. She would always call me out when it was needed. We are still working on finalizing details and I will update later, but at this time I think we will have a celebration of Hope's life on Sunday at 2 PM (if there's an NFL playoff game on at the same time I'll DVR it and everyone can watch it at our house after the celebration) at the same church we were married in to come full circle, the Cocoa Beach Community Church. If you want to come and need to travel far I wanted to give as much notice as possible. I think we'll invite guests back to our house afterwards.

The plumbing (or Hope) is still gurgling at me so I'll need Mark or just enjoy Hope haunting me already (she never was one for wasting time). Thanks and love to all of your for helping us get through this, I have a newly restored faith, and Heaven has the greatest gift I can imagine that we mortals were lucky enough to enjoy for 36 years. I had over 21 years, Nathan 7, and Reese 4. It's not enough but we cherished the moments like it was 1999 (I'm not only a closet Neil Diamond fan as I admitted in earlier blogs but also Prince, but only Purple Rain). We love you Hope, and thanks.
- Just Jake.

P.S. If you're Facebooker, and it appears most of the planet is, I've been very creepily pretending to be Hope for some time now so feel free to send messages to Hope and the Wise boys through Facebook.