Sunday, August 31, 2008

Pity Post

Every time cancer has slipped into my life I've battled a short period of depression then picked myself back up, done what I needed to do and moved on. This time I've sunk into a depression I can't seem to find my way out of. I can hardly care for the kids. My mom, Jake's mom and Jake have been so supportive and understanding I don't know what I would do without them. They let me cry, complain and stay awake with me at night when the demons come out and don't let me sleep.

The countless narcotics allowed me to escape for months, but now I'm on my own and I'm struggling. If you called, thank you. I'm sorry I haven't called back. When I'm like this the only way I can cope is to withdrawal. I'll surface with this is all behind me. I hope it's soon.


Stacy said...

It is no surprise at all that you're battling depression. (((hugs))) Honey, it makes sense physically, moleclarly, emotionally, every way I can imagine! And depression is one of the worst experiences in the world. I'm so sorry you're having to fight with it. I really am. But you are fighting! It might feel terribly crappy but you ARE fighting! I'm so impressed and in awe of you!

I A M P R A Y I N G F O R Y O U!!!

J said...

I sent you a Facebook message. Please read and reply. Love ya.

AnnMarie said...

you take as much time as you need. many battle depression and you have had alot happen to you on so many levels. you call me when you are ready and put yourself first. nighttime is the worst for anxiety and know alot of us are up at night with you. we love you xoxoxoxo

Myrtle's Mayhem said...

We send our love and support to you. We look forward to seeing you later this month too!

xoxo Mere

Heather said...

You don't know me but I 'stumbled' upon your blog and I think you are inspirational. To come out of this feeling like you do is no suprise, probably not to you either. Keep going, a little bit at a time, and hr or a day or whatever little bit it takes. You will come out of the other side, but you need time to heal your body, your mind and your emotions.. It must be hard to have patience with your body, you probably want to be back to your old self yesterday(and you will)!!

It must be so hard to see the positives right now, but trust me, we can all see them. You are an amazing, strong and beautiful person and you will become more so with every passing day.

Sending you all my healing and strength vibes, chin up.

love Heather

rach said...

You have to go through these emotions so that you can move on. Depression is a step of the healing process. Allow your body to feel it, and then be ready to move on. Sometimes we fight the emotions, thinking that they are bad and we shouldn't be feeling them, when in fact they are normal things to be experiencing. So, allowing yourself to recognize them, feel them and come to grips with them will prepare you for moving past them.
Give yourself permission to feel it. And then give yourself permission move past and walk into the healing light. The positive thoughts and emotions will come and will give you strength.
Deep belly breathing over and over....:)
We are all sending you love,
rach, brad, liv and ethan

Jamie said...

This is just part of the journey. My heart aches for you.
Be gentle with yourself.
You are in my prayers...

Anonymous said...

Hope, I feel for you each day. This is tough but fight it with all your might. Remember there is someone stronger than we are that loves you and all you have to do is seek his will for your health and strength to get well. He is always with you but you have to seek his help. Spend your restless hours praying and believing he will give you what you need to get through this. We can pray for you and you have to do your part. God is only waiting for you to reach out to him.

It want be long before you will be back on track. You have a reason to be depressed but take your meds and drink those jusices so your body can heal. Remember we are all with you each step of the way.


Esther said...

Hope, I love you so much and hate that you have to go through this. Depression can be completely debilitating but I know you are strong and will beat this too!

This morning, more than ever, I'm sure you'll get through this. Just hang in there and know that in time all will be back to normal.

Just be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up for what you haven't done or can't do, just focus on the good things that you have done and on a positive future.

If you ever want to talk feel free to call me at anytime.

Sending you Hugs, Kisses and Positive Vibes!

Daddy-O said...

Mason says to just focus on over coming this latest hurdle. He promises not to get too big before you get to meet him in person. We're thinking of you guys all the time and want to get together when all of this is over.

Love ya-
The NC Todd's

Rebecca said...


I had no idea you were going through this again. I'll be praying for you every day.