A Few Random Thoughts

I sent an e-mail response to a friend today that they had in one long run-on sentence paragraph (a fellow let it all go at once typer) given me about 3 or 4 "holy shit I can't believe that's all going on at once and I'm just hearing about it now" moments. I was in a hurry because the kids were putting shoes on to go outside for a bike ride, to shoot some hoops, and then swim. Anyway I did it in bullet form like I was writing a boring engineering memorandum because everyone loves lists, pictures, tables and graphs and almost everyone hates long paragraphs to read (then why is it again anyone reads my blogs --- I may have to rethink my own logic there). So I thought I'd try it tonight like this:

• Nathan and Reese had their registration for school today, Natedog is in the same class as last year as they combine 1st and 2nd graders but Reese is at the big boy school this year and he got to meet his new teacher. Natedog starts on Monday, I can't believe summer ends so soon for us nowadays. At least we get out in February for summer break...
• I had drinks one night with Reese's teacher so I got to know her pretty well after one of the fundraisers we did a few months ago. I know she can handle 4 year olds and her booze, a good combo as long as it's not at the same time.
• My A/C is fixed as of Monday afternoon. The bill is going to be so large they could not even leave me an estimate. Am I in the wrong business? You work your ass off for about 6 hot months and then you basically have the next 6 off because nobody cares if their A/C goes out for the other half of the year. Sign me up!
• If you haven't tried Flipside crackers, half pretzel, half cheddar, half amazing (that makes 150% cracker for you math people --- I know Dennis and Kris you don't get that one).
• When should I start Nathan and Reese on allowances? They want everything now and I make Nathan pay for things with the money he has but I think if he earned it he and Reese would do better with the asking for everything mentality. What chores should he get paid for as he already has a bunch he has to do for nothing? Come on Mom's out there, help a new mom/dad out.
• The nanny (I feel like a snob saying I have a nanny) started Monday and she's been great. They checked out 16 library books and already read most of them. I haven't read that many books in my life unless cliff notes or subtitles count.
• Since the A/C went out I bought the kids back to school clothes last weekend (anything with air was great to visit). I had everything washed this morning and they loved wearing them all day, they went through about 3 pairs of shorts, 3 or 4 shirts, and a bathing suit each today. Now I have to do all that damn laundry again but they loved it.
• No I don't, the nanny does (okay I have to start calling her something else because it reminds me of Fran Drescher which by the way I'm very proud of the fact that I never once watched an episode of her show although I did love her as an interview on the Howard Stern show --- how about paid grandma instead of nanny? Nope sounds like a prostitute fetish.)
• By the way, I haven't heard Howard since he went to Sirius but nobody can argue he wasn't one of the best interviewers ever except maybe an early, early David Lettermen. He doesn't care if he offends you at all and nothing is off base although sometimes he goes over the top with the sexual stuff.
• Speaking of which, when is anonymous numbers 1 and 2 going to reveal themselves to me (physically or just your name would be cool)? I've been lonely, but in a good way.
• Over the last 2 weeks since my brother left I have stayed home or done something with just the boys or a couple of their friends every night but one. I have not drank at all except for over the weekend a couple of times and wine at Carrabba's with my mom. She's a lush so I have to indulge her (actually one glass and she's good, two and then I have one kid on each leg and Nana around my neck as I try to walk out --- a cheap date though, way to go Dennis and that just doesn't sound right about my mom).
• Speaking of when my brother visited, I introduced him to the world of all female roller derby. Even though my first experience included being forced to drink Bud Lime it was incredible so I had to share. If you've never attended it's something that just has to be added to your bucket list. I've added quite a few items onto my bucket list but many not even I can share with some of the folks that read this blog --- I mean do you know how many midgets and donkeys read this thing?
• I'm sure you've figured out I don't edit these, use spellcheck and the backspace is almost never touched. Whatever the freak flows out in my mind is typed with the speed of Jacob Ellsbury, Rajon Rondo, or at least everyone knows the Randy Moss reference.
• By the way Randy Moss went to FSU for about 2 weeks as a freshmen. He was already being compared to Neon Deion Sanders when he had to go back to his high school to serve a weekend jail sentence for a fight. He knew he'd be drug tested but lit up anyway with his old running buddies from high school so they had to cut him and the rest is history.
• Speaking of lit up, I have the munchies like I was toking. I've moved on from Flipsides to carrots with hummus. I love hummus, and how much do you love now that you can buy pre-cut, pre-peeled carrots. In my day we had to wash the dirt off them, peel the skin off the carrot and your thumb sometimes, cut the top and bottom, and if you had a skinny one you almost didn't get to eat anything. Man kids today don't know how good they've got it!
• That was a theme in my last blog, and I got some great responses. One friend did their thesis on the subject, another compared Atari to the Wii (remember on Atari you were just a square and you could not win games, it just got harder and faster until you were killed --- kind of like life), we didn't have remotes so channel surfing did not exist (plus we only had about 8 stations unless we would hold the antennas no matter how much aluminum foil we tried), and there was no caller ID or call waiting, you got a busy signal and you had no idea who it was until you picked up the phone.
• I've thought of a few more, such as we had to actually go to an encyclopedia to look shit up (how many of your kids have even seen one before?) since the internet did not exist, I remember taping on cassettes songs off the radio (I was always slow and missed the very beginning of the song) and HBO comedy concerts instead of just downloading, we used phone books, and and in order to see boobs we went to National Geographic instead of googling Pamela Anderson and all the ones we saw were real.
• I somehow melted Nathan's new zoo water bottle in the dishwasher, please don't tell him but it went from Bill Russell to Gary Coleman in there.
• Back to my quiet 2 weeks here, it's been good. I'm almost caught up on things I'd been putting off way too long and we've had fun. Tonight the boys rode bikes and scooters while I jogged down to where we saw 4 deer including a fawn. They kept watching us but let us get within about 40 feet of them. I needed to slow down a bit and refocus again. Although Whitney was asking me how it was going a couple of days ago and I asked her, is that what normal people do because it's boring a lot? I don't ever want to become one of those full fledged adults.
• I still haven't watched any TV except for the end of a couple of sporting events, 6 or 8 Family Guys while folding laundry, and the occasional Spongebob with the boys which I believe is now on 24 hours per day. I thought about canceling cable but football season is coming including FSU/Miami in prime time baby opening Labor Day weekend! And while I'm at it, Tom Brady has something to prove so look out record books.
• I do get very lonely at night. I called about a half dozen friends/family members last night that I thought would be up late and not one answered. I really want back what I used to have and I am scared I will never find it again. My mom waited 10 years before she found the right guy after my Dad walked out on us when I was 2 and Kurt was 1. I want to fall head over heels in love with just the right person (I actually do mean woman despite my 2 Keys trips this summer) that will get me (good luck with that!), love my children like their own, be spontaneous and funny, enjoy sports and horror movies, not have very high standards for men, always has soft hands and great lips because hand and lips are by the far the most important two physical attributes on any women in my opinion (see I can actually say something serious about body parts and not mention boobs --- dammit I almost made it), and most importantly be filthy rich so I can retire.
• I am accepting applications, please include pictures, videos, and measurements of your bank account size.
• Speaking of nighttime, after I tuck the boys in I now sit at the top of the stairs by myself in the dark and talk to Hope. I just feel like I'm closer to her up there and that was always her favorite room in the house (come to think about it that should feel like a blow to my ego since the bedroom was not her favorite).
• Damn I just finished the box of Flipsides (yes I switched back for the salt) and I don't drink coffee or much other caffeine but I'm still wide awake.
• That reminds me of one of my favorite comedian lines, "I like my coffee like I like my women, with big boobs." Now that's comedy.
• I don't have any Triscuits, no house should ever run out of Triscuits. Can somebody come over and watch the kids so I can run to the 24-hour Walmart?
• By the way, have you ever hit Walmart from about 1 AM until 3 AM? What a freak show! It's surprisingly busy and it's always hilarious watching drunks argue with the checkout lady that they should be able to buy 4 bottles of Riesling at 2:01 AM no matter what Sam Walton says. I love that they have 230 employees across the store stocking and blocking aisles so that it's like a labyrinth to find the freaking milk as you find yourself climbing up stacked pallets of sloppy joe and lima bean cans (who the hell is buying this stuff anyway that they need 8 feet high stacks of them?) just in hopes of finding your way out of the maze. Then you get to the 80 checkout lines after snaking (I hate snakes, I mean meandering like I like my sidewalk designs) and there is one checkout girl (230 employees and one checkout girl, really Sam!?!). I remember one time I was in a hurry and a woman in front of me was short on cash so she was trying to decide what to put back and asking the price of everything. Finally I just gave her the money she needed so I could get home for the 4 AM Sportscenter.
• It may not sound like it but I do love my life. I've been through hell not only with Hope but also some other tough times. I appreciate so much the kids, family and amazing friends I am lucky enough to have. Despite the tough times we are still hanging in there even though it's still extremely tough at work. Some day I hope I get to share it again with the right person but for now I need to just appreciate more what I have now. One day at a time, no fast forwarding, enjoy the moment because you just never know.
• The Hangover is one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. How did that idea not come out sooner??? It's the only movie I've seen this year I think although we almost made it to Ice Age 2 last weekend.
• When the hell is Dustin Diamond's tell-all book coming out about Saved by the Bell?
• Would someone write the same book about Knight Rider? What was Bonnie really like when she didn't have the lone grease swipe across her cheek and how did Devin Knight make his fortune? Was the Hoff just as cool in person and did he actually jump off the dressing room sink to get into those jeans? Is the new series off the air yet, how about the Geico ape men TV show? I really think the english accented talking gecco would have been a better show. I never got to watch either but it's amazing someone gets a paycheck for these ideas.
• Speaking of ideas, I had one the other day as I took the ferry over to Amelia Island. You could have a James Bondesque chase scene in cars and then they get on the ferry, bumper to bumper, but aren't allowed to get out of the vehicles so they just yell at each other through the windows. Then the ferry ties off and away they go.
• Finally I had only 2 comments from my last blog and I really enjoy the feedback so please keep them coming. If you can't figure out how to comment as many have told me e-mail me at hopewise@cfl.rr.com. Send porn, remember I'm lonely.

I really am feeling better, it amazes me how much the human psyche can affect a person. I was much more of a mess then I ever thought I was at the time but I think nature does that on purpose because then you would just freak out and get worse. Now I just can reflect back to what a nut job I was as all of you knew and didn't call me out. Thanks, I think.