Hope for my birthday

An early present arrived on my birthday eve this afternoon, that's right Hope came home to stay for a while or maybe forever. Since I had to tell her 6 hours before her birthday that she had cancer again and there was nothing more that could be done for treatments 3 weeks ago, things had to start looking up. I can only imagine that was what it felt like to shoot old yeller, only a Madoff bank account percentage times higher. By the way how great is it that his name is pronounced Made-off??? Hope is home, comfortable, and attached to more equipment than in Alien when they traveled into deep space or Darth Vader as they rebuilt his body at the end of Episode III. She has her travel pack morphine that gives her 2 mg every hour plus she can hit the button for 2 more mg every 15 minutes. If I could get my hands on something like that I'd quit drinking on the weekends!



She has oxygen, which is pretty funny to watch the nurse freak out every time I start smoking next to it. Cancer, large explosion, what's the difference? We have a nurse helping us for 5 days and then it's all on me and our friends/family. How scary is that, one of the most "what were we talking about" and "sure I'll have another" people acting as a nurse/doctor. Doogie Howser would roll over in his tiny little grave (I think Nathan is now taller). Hope either loves me way too much or just doesn't give a shit anymore (sorry grandmama). I have changed out her trach, give her all her feedings, connect and disconnect her morphine and oxygen, and now since we're out of the hospital I am in charge of giving her all of her meds. They are all now liquid or capsules to go through her stomach tube so technically they can't tell who really is taking them.



Yes folks, I have won the drug lottery. I plan on not feeling anything through the new year, telling the docs/nurses that she needs twice the meds, and feeling my kidneys burst from exhaustion. I think that's how Kurt felt in junior high school, my cousion Luke in high school (sorry Tammy but he totalled two cars we know of), and just about every friend and myself in college and beyond. That is except Hope, the only woman I know that did not have to make one lifestyle change when she was pregnant except to drag me to preggo stores in Orlando because Melbourne did not have enough "selection" to look at maternity jeans. They're not jeans by the way, they're freaking kangaroo pants and exactly the same as the ones we saw in Melbourne except twice the cost. By that I mean "no dear they do not look like maternity clothes and you do not look fat in them." Practice that one boys for all you expectant fathers. If you believe in fate and/or that God hears all prayers please explain this one to me. Please!?! Maybe the chaos theory is more accurate as briefly explained in Jurassic Park I by Dr. Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum). Yet I digress.



Hope being home means I get to sleep in my own bed for the first time in 19 nights (who's counting) instead of that beautiful fold-out chair in the hospital room. In case you don't recall please go back to previous blogs to review my fondness of hospital chairs and how they treat their non-insurance covered patrons. Hope will be home for as long as I and a few friends/family can take care of her, or possibly forever. I won't go into details, but we were delayed coming home due to side effects that are worsening. If you've ever seen Family Guy, she looks like Peter Griffin with chicken legs (Hope knows I love her and that's just a joke). The boys ran into our room when they got home, hugged and kissed her gently, and then ran back out along their merry ways. Yes, things are back to normal with Hope at home in bed watching Oprah falling asleep all the time and there's not a better present given to anyone on their birthday eve in the history of the world. The three wisemen love you Hope, and that seems especially poignant this time of year although you are the one giving us the gift of you at home.